What a couple of weeks these have been! My middle guy just returned from a school trip. I was at a company meeting for three overnights. Upon returning home, my husband had an evening meeting and there was the annual dinner for our Economic Council. I hope it doesn’t sound like a complaint as we enjoy an abundant life but what do I really miss when our schedule fills up like this? Dinner time!
flickr.com/walkadog/3432071719
Beyond the ability to decompress while stirring a pan of risotto, I really miss the opportunity to round out the day for both me and my family by talking about it. I love our evenings around the table where everyone shares something good or sometimes shares something not so good that they’ve experienced during the day. And what saddens me is that when I talk with other families, everyone is struggling to preserve this sacred time.
Now a few studies have confirmed additional reasons to protect our dinnertime. A study at Columbia University revealed that adolescents who had family meals at least 5 times per week were more likely to receive As and Bs than their eat-on-the-run colleagues. And in a separate piece of research, the single common variable amongst Rhode Scholars was their regular participation in family meals. Finally, researchers at the West Virginia University Extension found that children increased their vocabulary at a more rapid rate when dining with their parents and they were more likely to incorporate fruits and vegetables in their eating than in meals on the fly.
So what are the best ways to make this habit stick? Obviously, I’m still working at it. But for starters, turn the TV off. Make everyone take a part – even if it is minor such as putting the silverware on the table or filling glasses with ice. Plan meals in advance so that you can figure out where to squeeze them in before dance class or after violin lessons. And be creative. Family meals don’t have to be around the dining table but can be a picnic tailgate before soccer practice or a brunch after church. And for those who are single or separate from their families? There’s ample new research on the value of building in-person social connections and shared meals are a great way to do so.
What are your favorite meal-time conversation starters?
- 6 oz asparagus cut into 1-inch pieces
- 6 oz butternut squash
- 6 oz buckwheat noodles, cooked (this is soba from an Asian food store)
- 6 oz spinach or other mild green, chopped into bite size pieces
- 6 Tbs sunflower oil
- 2 tsp dill
- 1 tsp salt (I prefer this with a bit more salt)
Preheat oven to 400. Cut squash in half, remove seeds and bake, cut side down in 1/2 inch of water for 40 minutes. (This can be done in advance.) When cooled, scoop squash from the skins and cut into bite-size pieces. While the squash in cooking, boil water and cook the soba al dente. Steam the asparagus until tender. Drain soba. Combine all ingredients together and mix well.
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Cris Winters
/ October 9, 2010It is isn’t always possible, of course, to have sane delicious meals with those you love. But it sure makes a difference to close the day’s busy-ness in that way. During the past week at my artist residency, I expected to eat most meals alone, contemplating my experiences and work of the day. Instead, I had three meals with the Brits and interns, one with my husband in town before a concert, one with my dear sweet friend Patricia, and one with my friends the Jemisons (with a toddler and a baby – luscious). The social opportunities out there from my little cabin were wide and joyful! How lucky I was!!!
Your recipe looks terrific. I am going to tweek it a bit with goat cheese, fresh kale instead of spinach, and fresh red peppers instead of asparagus. Thanks!
Tammy McLeod
/ October 9, 2010Sounds like you’ve been having a wonderful experience and goat cheese and kale will work perfectly Cris.
Meanlittleboy
/ October 12, 2010great,,article should be in a magazine,,you are a great writer!!cheers mlb
Tammy McLeod
/ October 12, 2010Thank you Larry and thanks for tweeting it.
Sally Mom
/ October 9, 2010I think you do a wonderful job Tammy and I agree at least five times a week is something to try and work toward. I was raised with setting and clearing the table between my sis and me and also, we took turns washing and drying the dishes every nite.
We were just remembering these times recently and makes for a grounding routine. Resposibilities and good conversations and a time for family council. I love it!
Thanks for the yummy dinner idea. I have guests tomorrow evening and all the right ingredients.
Tammy McLeod
/ October 9, 2010You are welcome Sally. I have the squash baking right now.
kateshrewsday
/ October 9, 2010You are so right, Tammy- mealtimes are wonderful for all of us. We sit and talk and end up giggling about something, so that even the toughest day slips away. I love my time with the kids. Hope you get a lovely settled week next week, with lots of mealtimes included!
Tammy McLeod
/ October 9, 2010Thanks Kate. Last night we took our dinner to the drive-in movie and had a blast. Tonight it’s the barbeque.
nrhatch
/ October 9, 2010Great reminder, Tammy.
The family that eats together, thrives together.
Tammy McLeod
/ October 9, 2010That’s certainly what the research says.
lisasfoods
/ October 9, 2010When I have a family one of my goals is that we all eat together at least four nights a week. I was raised to eat dinner as a family, without the television. Even though we didn’t always feel like sharing our days with each other, it was the one time in the day that we could all be together.
It’s too bad that it’s so much harder now for people to continue this act.
Tammy McLeod
/ October 9, 2010It’s a great goal Lisa.
souldipper
/ October 9, 2010Thank you for the great recipe – I look forward to trying it. But even more important, thank you for raising a family that knows how to be a family, enjoy a meal together, listen to one another and be present.
Well done, Mom. The odd day out of whack isn’t going to destroy your bunch!
Tammy McLeod
/ October 9, 2010It’s a journey not a destination. Let me know if you like the soba. I’m making it tomorrow.
Hannah
/ October 9, 2010I grew up in a family that always, always ate together at dinner (and ate the same thing – no namby pamby separate meals for us!) and I still remember how shocked I was, as a kid, to discover that so many families don’t. I think you’re right in arguing that this is something absolutely worth preserving.
In fact, if I might paraphrase… “The family that eats together, stays together” 😀
Tammy McLeod
/ October 9, 2010Yeah, I’m not into the separate meal thing either. It’s just not right.
cindy
/ October 9, 2010I am so with you on this, Tammy, and love the picnic tailgate idea 🙂
Tammy McLeod
/ October 9, 2010Last night we did take out at a drive-in movie. Loads of fun! Thanks for reading Cin.
Melissa Phillips
/ October 10, 2010It is a great time for family connection especially if one of your children have the love language of quality time. My boys are grown now but that is one thing they love is at least once a week having a home cooked meal by mom. So many families have lost this needed tradition and its time some of us help bring it back and train younger mothers to do the same. Great post!
Tammy McLeod
/ October 10, 2010Thanks Melissa. You bring up a great point – I don’t know my boys love languages. I did that with my husband and I think the book is still around here somewhere. You’ve given me a mission.
Kelsey
/ October 10, 2010I knew instinctively that family meal times were important, but I hadn’t heard about the research. My husband I, although we don’t have kids, try to get in a sit-down-at-the-table meal together on weeknights. I know that if it’s this hard to plan without kids, it will be much more difficult to fit in with them, although even more important.
Tammy McLeod
/ October 10, 2010It IS hard but very worth it.
Lisa H
/ October 10, 2010Once a week we have left-over night where we clean out the fridge of meals. Even though we may each be eating something different, we still eat together. By no means do we eat dinner together every night, but we do eat most of our meals together in the evening.
And don’t forget about breakfast! That counts, too. Nothing like pancakes, waffles, or a dutch baby to start the day (weekends for us).
Tammy McLeod
/ October 10, 2010Our leftover night is on Thursdays. We do what you’re suggesting – open the fridge and clean it out.
windspiritgirl
/ October 10, 2010I was just talking with one of my best friends yesterday about family dinners. She just bought a dining room table precisely because she didn’t have them growing up and wished she had. I like your idea of fun, “non-traditional” dinners like picnics before soccer practice.
Tammy McLeod
/ October 10, 2010How great that your friend bought a table! That’s a perfect place to start.
Naomi
/ October 11, 2010Totally agree with the importance of dinner time, Tammy – and your recipe sounds delicious!
Tammy McLeod
/ October 11, 2010Let me know if you try it.
milkayphoto
/ October 11, 2010Amen, Tammy! No matter how hectic our schedules were when I was a kid, ALL of us gathered around the table. It was chaotic and loud and funny and good. Thanks mom and dad for such a good childhood!
Tammy McLeod
/ October 11, 2010It obviously worked well for you.
jessiecarty
/ October 12, 2010Ya know, I wonder if the research looks more at what is DONE at dinner. When I lived with my father and stepmother we always ate dinner together. We, however, were not allowed to talk. Needless to say, we aren’t that close now!
Tammy McLeod
/ October 12, 2010Yes, Yes. It says TALK and that is what has to be done. I’m sorry but your comment made me smile.
shrinkingthecamel
/ October 12, 2010I thought the research you’ve brought up here is very, very interesting. And quite compelling. Our family ends up eating dinners out a lot. (I have two girls, one in college and one in high school) It’s a little expensive, I know, but it allows us all to look forward to siiting down together a couple times a week to share and look each other in the eye and talk about how we’re doing.
Tammy McLeod
/ October 12, 2010That’s a great practice and worth the price that you’re paying.
Paige
/ October 13, 2010That’s funny, I’m eating soba noodles while I’m reading this. So funny. With crispy tofu and orange lacquer. DELISH. Maybe I should share the recipe.
I love the photo!
Tammy McLeod
/ October 13, 2010mmmm. Your noodles do sound good. You should share.
nancy at good food matters
/ October 14, 2010Go, Tammy!
Our lives do get chaotic, moving in so many directions. You’ve got the right ideas in your post—off with the TV, get everyone engaged in the meal—and then, on to the conversation…
Tammy McLeod
/ October 14, 2010As with exercise, it’s so much easier to talk about than to do but it’s so worth the effort.
OysterCulture
/ November 3, 2010Family meal times are so special no wonder they’ve been showing to have a profound affect, and turning off the tv and focusing on the person is such a great way to start.
Tammy McLeod
/ November 3, 2010I agree but I was really surprised by how much effect the meals have – especially the academic research.
meanlittleboy2
/ December 6, 2013Reblogged this on meanlittleboy2.